Dear Readers:
I’m going to propose to Bird.
I know I have a disproportionate amount of female readers so I would like to ask you some questions (but this only works if you actually leave a comment letting me know what you think – don’t be shy!) Guys, feel free to add your thoughts or experiences as well.
Here we go:
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond)
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options)
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.)
Okay, I can’t really think of anymore questions at this point. Basically, you don’t even have to answer those questions, I just want all your thoughts and opinions on all things engagement rings.
And here’s the scoop: I don’t have a ton of readers (but I really love the ones I do have!), so I’m asking you to please send this post around so I can get as many opinions on this matter as possible.
I will share my thoughts and feelings in an upcoming post very soon, so please keep reading (subscribe by reader or by email in the right sidebar!)
Here are some other blog posts from around the PF blogosphere on engagement rings:
ps. In case you haven’t figured out how personal finance comes into play here…engagement rings can be very expensive. Even when they’re not, they still cost money.
pps. When sending this around, please don’t send it to Bird. Haha
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{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }
How exciting!!! Congrats on your decision…
Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m a typical girl when it comes to this. While I’d LOVE to be surprised, (so romantic!) my “ideal” ring is nothing like traditional engagement rings, so I honestly would like to be involved in the decision process. (My ideal ring is actually a ring with a ruby instead of a big diamond and is about $500.)
Does she have a sister, or can you talk to her mom about this? Often they have a better idea of what she would like or they might have overheard some comments about what her ideal ring would be. You can also observe what style jewelry she wears for clues as to what her preferences are.
Good luck!!!
Congratulations! That is very exciting news for you two.
I agree with QL Girl – see if you can talk to her best girlfriend or mother or sister, who might have an idea about the type of ring she would prefer.
In response to your questions – I would like to be surprised! But I think I would like some decision… it’s complicated, haha. Maybe ask her what types of jewelry she likes – find out if she likes gold/white gold/platinum/etc better in term of earrings or necklaces. It will most likely be the same type of ring she wants. (I myself prefer platinum.) And quality is always better over size, IMHO. Not sure on the traditional/online retailer front… that’s up to you with how comfortable you feel, if you would rather do all the work yourself or have a guide at a ring store.
Good luck!!!
Buy a $50 cubic zirconium ring for the purpose of the proposal only. Tell her that you specifically want her involved in the ring choice.
Also, if you can’t afford to buy a diamond larger than 1 carat, put it off. Diamonds smaller than 1 carat in size are an artificially created market (referring to sales price). You are more likely to get ripped off for a small diamond (less than one carat). Instead, put a cubic zirconium in the ring that you purchase and let her know that she can later get a diamond fitted (Plus zirconium shines better anyways). Come to an agreement as to how much you can later spend on the diamond. Perhaps $1k for every year you’re married.
Also, if you’re in a large city, consider going to an Asian mall. I bought our rings in San Jose, CA at a huge Asian Mall. Asian malls have a lot of jewelry stores. These stores typically don’t have the same overhead / profit margins as the large retail chains.
I would disagree with talking to family members of the future fiancee. There’s a chance that the family member may “spill the beans.” If they do, you lose the element of surprise. Also, if you delay proposing, you’re going to get beat up over it. Women don’t forget. If she knows you plan on proposing, but wait 4 months (or so), she may remind you for years afterwards and ask… “Why did it take you so long?” THERE IS NO GOOD ANSWER TO THIS! =0
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
This is a tough one. See if you can figure out what she likes without being obvious. (Tough, I know – I think it came up in conversation when DH and I were dating to give him enough of an idea, but long before the actual proposal.) If you need to, talk to her friends or mom/sisters to get an idea. If you can’t tell at all what she would like and aren’t confident that you could pick something out that would be her style, I would wait and have her help pick it out. I definitely wanted to be surprised, but would have been disappointed if it was nothing like the style I had in mind and then would have preferred to help pick it out. (Although if I had had a hand in picking it out, it would have taken forever – so many options!)
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond)
A balance of the two – quality first, but not at the expense of getting something less than 1 carat.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options)
Again, see if you can find out what she likes based on the jewelry she currently wears. I would have preferred platinum (my ring is white gold due to the cost), but nobody has mentioned the difference and I actually like now how the white gold is shinier. I think I heard that platinum prices are coming down relative to gold. To me, the metal wasn’t as big of a deal as the setting and the stones.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.)
I think whichever you are more comfortable with. I’ve heard good things about online retailers. Definitely spend some time at a traditional store to get the pitch and advice from the salesperson there.
Good luck! That’s very exciting, and I’m sure that no matter what, she will love it!
I agree with Finance Junkie on getting a cz ring for the proposal. I personally would like to be surprised by the proposal while also having a say in the ring I’ll be wearing for the rest of my life. FJ’s advice is the perfect happy medium.
I would like to be surprised, but I’m not the type of girl who has a strong preference in jewelry. My bf probably has better taste than I do! But NOT yellow gold.
I disagree with “don’t bother with less than 1 carat”. It might depends on the circles you run in, but no one I know has a 1 carat ring. Too flashy for me.
Online retailers are cheaper, and if you and your girl are comfortable with it, go for it. But definitely scope out both.
Size or quality? That’s a balancing act. Probably size is more important to many girls, but if it is visibly low quality… don’t get it. If you can see a spec under a microscope, who cares?
Good luck and congrats!
1. Surprised with the ring style. But if it’s a pear shaped diamond on a gold band….. Ick. But I trust your taste. Can’t go wrong with a round or square diamond.
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond)
I can’t tell the difference with quality. So size? As long as it doesn’t look grey and scratched…
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options)
White Gold or Platinum. I hate yellow gold.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.)
Online. Blue nile I heard is good. I don’t care where it comes from, but some girls do.
Hmmm, does she read your blog? Because then she’ll be a little less than surprised!
As for being involved in the chosing vs. surprised, I think it would a good idea to get an idea of what she’s interested. I like the idea of the cubic zirconium fake ring to surprise her with the engagement, then let her pick out the ring.
Congrats!
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring? – I’d like to be surprised… with a ring that I adore. Heehee. If Bird have not yet dropped hints on what style she likes, you can try asking her best friends.. make sure they won’t spill the beans, though!
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond) – You should read up on the 4 C’s – there will be trade-offs, but I think a diamond with minor inclusions (i.e. flaws) that are invisible to the naked eye and around 1 carat is a good balance between size and quality.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options) – depends on what she likes… I personally like the look of diamonds with a “white” metal, i.e. white gold or platinum. Platinum won’t tarnish, but it’s very expensive.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.) – I would suggest you take a look at Costco. Their diamonds are refundable and comes with certificates. Also, I think Costco rings are a good deal for the quality (not to say they are cheap though!).
I would want to be surprised. I would also want either white gold or platinum. For what type of metal, I would look at what some of her current pieces are that she wears (assuming she wears jewelry). I would buy in the store. That way if she didn’t like what you picked out, you may be able to exchange it for something that suits her better. Good luck and congratulations!!!
I just became engaged last weekend. My fiancee and I had a family heirloom diamond of very high quality and .5 carat. I don’t personally wear jewelry so I was thrilled to be involved in the design process. We worked with a local goldsmith to have the stone set exactly how we wanted. Bezel set in rose gold (I didn’t want yellow gold, he thought white gold was boring and the rose gold looks absolutely beautiful and has garnered many compliments). My ring fits perfectly and while I knew the engagement was imminent, he chose the perfect moment to ask. I think marriage is an important partnership and traditional surprise proposals leave the female partner in an ultra-passive position. Just an FYI, bezel set rings are very practical if Bird is clumsy, athletic, very active or otherwise uses her hands a lot. The diamond is better protected, prongs will not catch on anything, the stone won’t get dinged or lost.
I was totally surprised, but inadvertently had a hand in choosing my ring. For six months before anytime I looked at jewelery (and he definitely steered me towards windows) he made note of my comments. He learned that I like round stones and dislike yellow gold.
I think a balance of size and quality. I would err on the side of quality.
Take a look at her jewelery box and the jewelery she wears the most. Almost all of my jewelery is silver so white gold/platinum made sense for me. Also keep in mind that over time white gold wears away and will need to be replated.
Whichever retailer you’re more comfortable with. Think about whether you want to design something or pick from a selection.
If you can, take advantage of holiday shopping. Tell her you are looking for something for your mom/sister/etc and ask her opinion about different pieces.
Good luck!
So exciting, yay, congrats! I would like to be surprised with the actual engagement but given a chance to weigh in on my preferences. Definitely talk to a sister or friend or even Bird if you can make it come up in conversation. Good luck!
When do you plan on proposing? I hope I am not too late with this comment.
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring? – I was surprised and loved it. We had been talking about getting married for a while, so it wasn’t a total surprise, but was still surprising and romantic
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond) – I am weird and personally don’t like diamond rings, I prefer colored stones, and my engagement ring is actually emerald. But if you are getting a diamond I would go for quality – size can be gaudy if you aren’t careful, and might overwhelm her hand. You can get the elegance from side diamonds or other accent stones without getting a massive center one.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options) I prefer white metals, either white gold or platinum, or even silver. See what most of her other jewelry is and go with that.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.) I don’t see a problem with either of them, if you aren’t in a hurry. I don’t see how quality will be different online – just be careful to know what you are getting. I prefer seeing the item in person to make sure it’s what I expected.
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
She will probably want a hand in choosing it. I did, most of my friends did, and those who didn’t had problems deciding how to tackfully tell their new fiance that they wanted to change their rings.
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond) – I’d say this is a personal choice, so look at what she already wears. If she wears of a lot of jewelry or flashy jewelry she’d probably prefer size over quality. If she barely has any jewelry or wears only a small piece everyday- go quality over size.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options) What does she tend to wear already?
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.)
We got mine on Overstock.com and I’m thrilled with it!
DON’T DO IT. Unless you have her mom, sister, & best friend on board with the purchase, and even then it’s risky. She has to look at it every day and have every woman in her life size it up. Just buy a stand in and let her pick it out.
Diamonds are no longer mandatory. I have a gemstone ring; these are more and more popular now. Many women (including me) have a big problem with looking at “blood diamonds” every day. If you think she might go the gemstone route (or could be persuaded to) you’ll save 10K.
Another (obvious) idea for the stand in is to borrow a ring from her or your family. There might not be an heirloom per se, but maybe you could borrow one of her mom’s rings for a bit.
1. I’d much rather be surprised with a ring; I’d want my boyfriend to ask my best friend for help, though. She knows exactly what I want or could at least give him a good starting place.
2. Quality over size…as long as you can see the diamond. For myself I’d want something at least 3/4 ct.
3. Metal: I’m not picky myself. I know lots of women who don’t like yellow gold (myself not included), so it would be safer to go with white gold or platinum.
4. Traditional retailer vs. Online: Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve very vocally told my boyfriend NOT to buy from Kay or Jared’s or any of those chains because I abhor their commercials. If he wants to go online, that’s fine, but mostly I’d prefer a smaller jewlery shop.
Above someone mentioned “blood diamonds”. Not all diamond retailers deal with blood diamonds and I know of at least one retailer in the DC area (Mervis Diamonds) that very clearly states that they aren’t part of that.
Good luck searching for a ring!
Hey, I like Finance Junkies idea on buying a not so expensive cubic zirconium! that is a great idea to be able to surprise. then you can go later and both have choice in the decision. Bird gets what she wants. Nice.
A win-win situation.
best wishes with your decision!
ps – if you buy a ring…platinum is nice
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
Both. I want to be surprised when it comes to the proposal, but it is important that I love the ring.
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond) –
I actually don’t even want a diamond, instead I want a white sapphire. You should make sure that she actually wants a diamond before buying anything.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options)
Definitely white gold or platinum.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.)
Honestly, I think both are fine as long as she loves the ring.
Good luck!!!
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
I agree with asgreen, “I want to be surprised when it comes to the proposal, but it is important that I love the ring.”
2. Size vs. Quality
Both are important. I want something at least 3/4 carat
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium
I think a diamond on a gold ring looks tacky. I want Platinum.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online
I don’t think it matters where it’s from as long as I like it.
Please update us after you propose.
1. The fact you are going to propose should not be a surprise to her, but the ring can be a surprise if you feel comfortable with that and think she would enjoy it. I think the suggestion of the CZ placeholder ring is an excellent one.
4. As for the retailers, I still have concerns about the origins of diamonds–regardless of what the chains tell me–so I am interested in vintage jewelry or a non-diamond stone.
1. Surprise depends on if Bird likes surprises. If she does, you can either do the CZ thing or ask her best friend for help. A good way to keep the beans from getting spilled might be to ask the friend for lots of advice on how to propose, even if you don’t use it. This way it will be her surprise too.
2. Again, think about bird. I don’t know how women walk around with a huge rock. For one, as someone who lives in an urban area and travels a lot, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with some giant diamond. For two, Women tend to notice and comment silently to themselves about giant rings, particularly older women, and as I hate attention, I think getting looks would make me miserable. It all really depends on her personality, and if you can’t decide it’s probably best to propose sans actual ring. Maybe if the proposal is private you wouldn’t even need a dummy ring. You could ask her to marry you with some cute set up and mention ring shopping somehow.
I have never read your blog before, but I found you through msn moneycentral. I just got engaged and wanted to chip in my 2 cents.
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring? I thought that I didn’t want to be surprised, but I am really glad that he did surprise me. A few months before the proposal we went ring shopping and he had me try on rings (what a tease!) and he made notes of what I like. Then he told me later about how much research he did on his own. He visited many different shops, looked at many stones and learned about the four C’s. He then designed a ring with a small town jeweler. (it’s perfect, it’s unique!)
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond)
Definitely quality. If you have a smaller stone that sparkles more than a larger stone, it will actually appear “larger”. My center stone is .71 and people ask me all the time how big it is, it isn’t big, it just sparkles like crazy.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options) This really depends upon her preferences. Check out what she already wheres, most women are very particular about this.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.) With a traditional retailer (or small town jeweler) you will have many more options. My center stone in my ring actually came from a pawn shop. After visiting many jewelry stores, learning about the 4C’s and looking at many stones, my fiance felt comfortable that he knew what he was looking for.
He looked at loose stones at the pawn shop, picked out what he wanted, then brought it to the jeweler who set it in a custom setting with two beautiful side stones.
He easily only paid half of what he would have had the stone come from the jeweler.
(He also had the stone verified and appraised within 30 mins of purchasing it to make sure he got what he paid for.)
Good luck!
On the surprise vs. not debate…I loved the surprise, but my hubby did not invest in a huge engagement ring. My husband proposed (in high school) with a ring pop! Maybe that’s too cheesy for you, but think outside the box…have something that she can wear/keep, but then take her ring shopping that day (with, if you can swing it, enough money so she can walk out of the store with her new ring
. When we were finally ready to get married, he hung a treasure box ornament on his tree with a $99 ring in it…it was small, but I could put it on and wear it to the party we were attending that night. We ended up never getting a bigger engagement ring, but I got to pick out my wedding ring. And just yesterday, he presented me with a new ring, in the same style as my wedding ring, but larger, because we could afford it. (I lost my wedding ring three years ago…and then found…yesterday!) He surprised me, but he knew exactly what I wanted, too 
We used Blue Nile and found them to have fabulous customer service, prices and selection. We have used them for many purchases and found them to always be great.
My hubby bought a diamond and had it put in a “plain” inexpensive white gold band that he thought I would switch out later. Turns out, I loved the style and have never changed it.
Unless you trust that you know her taste well, I would think about letting her in on the decision. My husband had ordered a ring but proposed before it came in. We had talked about buying another one if it didn’t come in before I left for Christmas with my family, so I had picked one out in case. The ring that he had ordered was nothing like what I would wear, and nothing like I had shown him (he had asked for ideas), so I was glad that I had pointed out a different one. The second one was cheaper, too! I know that sounds ungrateful, but I would have been miserable with the ring he picked and would never had mentioned. In fact, I didn’t tell him I didn’t like it, but he could tell.
One answer: http://www.pricescope.com Its a great forum with lots of opinons on lots of rings. It even has a “show me the ring” forum so you can see lots of ideas. Summary of most opinons… cut is king – this is what makes the ring sparkle the most! And by cut they don’t mean “round, princess..” its how precise the angles and facets are cut. Look for AGS or GIA certificates, the others aren’t as accurate on the color or clarity grading. They suggest shopping online, vendors include whiteflash, james allen (btw tons more info on diamonds than blue nile), good as gold. Carat weight about a carat, better quality than size, color about H/I and clarity eye clean SI2 or better. That maximizes the amount of size you can get for the money. But…remember cut is king! It’s what makes it sparkle. I like the whiteflash a cut above diamonds (its a generic version of the hearts on fire diamonds… the most perfectly cut diamonds).
It’s hard to answer those questions without knowing Bird, but here goes:
I’m more old fashioned. I didn’t have any idea my now husband was going to propose, up to the second he did it. So, clearly, he was on his own while ring shopping. He went to a jeweler recommended by a friend (Johnson Jewelers, near LA.) With the jeweller, they designed a simple cathedral setting with a solitaire .5 carat princess cut diamond. I probably wouldn’t have ever picked it out on my own, but he put so much thought into it that I love it. What we did do together is pick out wedding bands.
He picked out white gold for my ring, which has proven wise. I’m hard on jewelry, and white gold is harder than platinum, so it doesn’t scratch as easily. It can also be re-dipped in rhodium (what makes it silvery instead of yellow) to make it look like new if Bird is rough on jewelry too. Another thing to notice is if she tends to wear yellow or silver. If all her jewelry is yellow gold, there is your answer. If it’s silver, go with white gold or platinum.
Size vs. Quality – depends on the girl. My husband opted for quality, so my diamond is colorless and virtually flawless, which I appreciate. But if Bird is more showy, you may want to go for size. Or, hit something in the middle. Decent quality, decent size. But mostly, if she know you put a lot of thought into it (just show her this blog to prove how much) she’ll love it regardless.
I second Pricescope. My boyfriend and I were going to go with James Allen, but then we found out about my mom’s jeweler friend and ended up going with him. I was involved in every step of the ring purchase, since we had already talked about marriage and all and decided that that was the path to take. That being said, the ring is here, and now he’ll do a proposal in a way and at a time that will be a surprise to me. It’s no surprise that we’ll be engaged eventually, but it’s how he’ll do it that’s a surprise.
For size vs. quality, it depends on your taste and budget. This is another place where my being involved helped. We went to a jewelry store and tried on different size diamonds to see what looked best on my hand. We settled on about a carat, then tried to get the best quality for the budget. James Allen talks about “eye clean” which means you can’t see the diamond’s flaws with a naked eye. There are a lot of things you can sacrifice that will still look great to a person who isn’t a diamond expert. I second Dee’s guidelines, but I would say that you can even go to J color. There’s a whole lot to learn about diamonds, so again, I’d recommend Pricescope.
I like white gold. It’s cheaper and I’m a silver color jewelry kind of girl. White gold will need to be replated eventually, and platinum doesn’t. Use your girlfriend’s existing jewelry as a guide for yellow vs. white.
We ended up with a brick and mortar store, but that was because he was a family friend and was willing to do business from NJ (to KY). James Allen has a lot of great reviews, and you can see the actual diamonds online, which I really liked. Again, I’d suggest Pricescope and plain old google to get customer opinions. (Oh, and if you link to James Allen through Pricescope, you can get a big chunk of cash discount. When we were looking, it was almost 10%!)
Congrats!!!!!
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
I would rather be surprised. You can get a feel of what your girlfriend likes by what she jewelry she wears now. The only advice I had given my husband was to keep in mind the size of my hands. I have petite hands and therefore a huge ring wouldn’t look right. Yes, I did know my husband was shopping for a ring but didn’t know when or where he was going to pop the question. Plus, I didn’t want to know how much he spent on me and I still don’t (p.s. make sure you get the insurance — you may need it in the future)Plus, she should love whatever you get for her.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options)
Whatever you choose make sure it is sizable.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online
I would not use an online store. You can’t really see what you are getting. You will be able to see the size of the ring and get to really critique the ring.
I wanted to give you some of my thoughts, which differ from many of the other ladies….
On 1) I have been married twice, and while I liked the romance of my first husbands proposal where he picked the ring, I am much happier with the second ring, that I helped to select. It is a better reflection of my personal style, and, as I wear it every day, that is really important to me.
On 2) I absolutely prefer quality to size. I have long delicate fingers, and anything over about 3/4 of a carat looked ridiculous and tacky on them. If your girl’s other jewelry is small or discrete, she may prefer that you spend your money on quality, while girls with lots of obvious jewels will doubtless prefer size.
On 3) Choice of medal is very personal – for the last 5-10 years, white medals have definitely been the thing. I agree with other posters who say look at what she wears now. If there is a piece that she wears everyday, go with whatever color that is.
On 4) I have no preference. However, if you do decide to get her input on the ring, make sure to take her to an actual store to try things on – that way you can get her size right and also make sure that you both like the way the ring will look on her finger. Then go ahead and buy where you can get the best deal.
Congratulations, good luck, and happy shopping!
As a guy who just did this, I suggest buying a loose diamond. Find the right balance between size and quality. Not too small, and keep in mind that microscopic defects will never be seen once the ring is on her finger, but a poor color could possibly be noticed.
Put the diamond into an inexpensive setting for now. Then, after you’re engaged the two of you can find the perfect seeting together. This way, she gets an actual ring that can be worn when you get engaged, but she also gets to choose the right setting which she will have forever. Good luck!
Personally, I’m all about the surprise. Ask her family, or friends…I’m sure she’s discussed it with her best friend what kind of ring that she’s hoping for. If your budget is limited buy as good of a quality ring as you can afford. Was my E-ring what I would have picked out, no, but my spouse bought it with me in mind and that makes me like it. To be honest, if budget is an issue, I’d stick to white gold and make sure I had a good quality diamond. It doesn’t matter the size as long as it’s a good quality stone. I would also pick a brick and mortar store just because you never know what you are going to get online. I would also shy away from proposing with a “fake” ring, the old fashioned part of me would still hold some significance to it because that’s the ring you proposed with and the other one is just the ring to show off. Whatever you do get her, she will love because it’s the one that you proposed with.
Question #1 – Why not both she knows you are serious and you must have discussed the marriage possibilty at some point so go looking together and see what she looks at watch her reactions and you will know without a doubt then go back and get ring at later date and it still remains a surprise
Question #2 Quality always
Question #3 – When u take her looking see what she is drawn to in metals
Question #4 – Shop both ends i would prefer traditional due to fact that you can see exactly what you are getting for your money
Here is tip – i know they say that an engagement ring should amount to like 2 months salary but that is not true at least in a woman in loves eyes
my husband and i paid 900.00 for a matching set of wedding ring and an engagemnet ring in 1990 before our marriage and i am just as thrilled as i would have been if he would have spent a million and i am sure your bird will also – my spouse and i have been together for 18 years as a married couple and 5 before that. GOOD LUCK
The 4 C’s…cut, color, clarity, carat
I personally went and picked out my own ring setting and chose the final diamond. Based on his budget, my husband chose three diamonds and I made the final selection. I guess I’m a little controlling, but the ring is on my finger…FOREVER! Since he had a budget, the 4 C’s were determined after the setting was chosen(the setting was 1/3 of the budget.) Also, based on the ring setting, the cut of the stone was determined.
Quality (clarity and color) was more important then size. If the diamond is large, but there’s no fire (sparkle), then it won’t be as pretty to stare at (under all the lights – daydreaming about what an awesome man she has…) Besides, she can always upgrade in 20 years…right?
The cut is a personal preference. Rounds are the most popular and have the most facets, usually having the most fire. It also depends on how it looks on her hand…Each diamond speaks to a person differently…
White gold doesn’t show the scratches as much as platinum and is less expensive, but is softer then platinum.
If you buy from a store vs. online, they should have regular maintenance for free…
But if you’re dying to surprise her, make sure wherever you buy the ring from, you can return/ exchange it, just in case she doesn’t love it. And go in with your budget, not hers…
just spent a lot of time buying a diamond and designing aring so here’s my 2 cents,
Sorry ben, no amount of sapphires or tanzanites would ever feel like a diamond. Its like buying a fake purse.
1. A brick & mortar store for sure! Anyone would want to look and feel the diamond before plunking down all that money, also the added service makes it worth it! Also it allows you to get the fifth ‘C’ a custom design ring rather than a generic design.
2. A combination of size and quality works best- si1 is good enough if it is located right. H or better color for sure.
3. Platinum for the metal – just cause it is so cheap right now.
My girlfriend loved the fact that it was a complete surprise but my mom wanted to pick out the diamond with my dad… so to each its own. good luck
The way my husband did it when he proposed was to get the diamond himself at a brick and mortar store. They put the diamond on a display setting and that’s what he used to pop the question. It was nice because I got the chance to pick the setting afterwards myself. So there was still the element of surprise but also I had input in the process.My ring is white gold, which I like but I think platinum is nicer. Best wishes!
Congratulations! You should special order your engagement ring from Costco. My husband and I (yes, I knew it was coming) sent an email with all of our specifications for the ring and diamond. The next day we were emailed photos and appraisals for two rings. We chose one and it was shipped to our local Costco warehouse. The ring was exactly what we wanted and it was no hassle at all.
The best part is that the ring appraised at double what we paid for it. Also, if you have a Costco executive membership, you will get 2% back. We used a Costco AmEx card and got an additional 1% back as well.
I just went through this same series of questions (she said yes!). Here’s the thing, every girl wants to be suprised, so I would not sacrifice that element of the engagement. My girlfriend was SO happy to be suprised, and in fact, admitted later that she did not think I would be capable of a suprise engagement.
As for the ring, I think it is perfectly acceptable to get a general idea from her about the style (cut of the stone and type of metal) that she prefers. I also think that with a little careful communication it is possible to get her preferences on that without really tipping your hand. When you ask her about it do so after observing somebody else’s ring (so that it makes sense in conversation), or do so with the air of disinterest, so that she’s not left with the perception that you are going to run right out immediately and purchase one. The ring size is also difficult, but it is cheap and easy to get a ring re-sized, so just do your best guess on that one.
Regarding size and quality, I would say that size is more important, as long as the stone is “eye clean,” meaning that it does not have any imperfections that are visable to the naked eye.
Regarding store-bought or internet, I’d go with a reputable supplier on the internet. While I was doing my research I found the internet to be much more affordable for an extremely comperable product. Also, most sites have decent return policies, so if she really doesnt like something about the ring, you should be able to get a refund or work together on choosing an exchange.
My girlfriend had expressed a desire (again, in casual conversation) for a Canadian diamond, so that she would know without a doubt that nobody lost an arm or a leg for it, and that it didnt fund a civil war/terrorism/etc. I found Brilliant Earth (www.brilliantearth.com) to have better prices for a Canadian stone than the stores, though it was obviously a bit more expensive than a conventional diamond.
Other than that, I would just take cues from her attitude and style for the rest (style of setting, etc.). Take educated risks in order to ensure the suprise. She’ll be really happy!
How fun! I got engaged about two years ago, and I’ve been married for a little over a year and a half.
My husband and I did go ring shopping together, but it was months before he actually bought the ring and popped the official question.
Turns out, we were able to see what we liked and didn’t like. I *thought* I liked certain styles, but once I got them on my hand, not so much.
As far as the diamond size, I prefer smaller. My stone is 1/2 a carat (i think). I don’t like how high it is set, even though the jeweler said it’s as low as it can go.
My ring gets caught if I put my hands in my pockets or do simple chores such as laundry or cooking. As a result, most of the time I just wear my wedding band, with my engagement ring added to it when I’m in public.
Oh, and don’t do like my husband did! When his ring finger was sized, he opted for a larger ring size than he probably should have. He didn’t know, as he wasn’t accustomed to wearing rings anyway. Get a snug fit!
We were in the Gulf of Mexico for our first anniversary. The water was cool, and his hands weren’t swollen. The ring slid right off. Sad. We bought another one just like it, in a smaller size!
Best wishes with your ring shopping and engagement!
I am totally opposite most here.
1. Size. Go for something with a “trade-up” program. USAA (if you have military connections) has a good, better, best program where you can buy good, then later pay the difference to upgrade to better or best. Several stores have this, so look for one of those if you are worried about trade-offs. I have a 1.5 carat round solitaire that we gradually traded up on to get where I am. MANY birthdays and xmases went into this ring.
2. I like tradition. I have a traditional solitaire with a six-prong setting and a ruby wrap, gorgeous, it attracts comments and compliments everywhere I go. I am a tall woman though, so I didn’t want a flyspeck. If we weren’t going to get a big enough stone to look okay on my hand, I was going to go with a colored stone so I could have the size.
3. Surprise of course. MY now DH asked me to help him pick out jewelry for his mom for Xmas. That’s how he discovered I HATE ornate jewelry, bezel settings (no fire), and prefer yellow gold. Sneaky, but effective.
Idon’t think the vendor matters if they are trustworthy. I for sure wouldn’t go with an off brand e-tailer. Too scary. Jewelry markups are huge though, especially on diamonds.
You know her best. Is she a greenie who shudders at the thought of conspicuous consumerism? Think multicolored metal band only. Maybe with a loving inscription. Does she adore Dooney and Bourke and Jimmy Choo shoes? Get the biggest rock you can find, and worry less about the clarity, she will trade it up later, anyway.
I love my ring, love that it was a surprise, and LOVE that he didn’t overspend at the time (we have been married for a while now!) Fiscal responsibility is a good thing in a prospective spouse, if you aren’t on the same page now, well, you are a finance guy…
I like the idea of getting a cheap CZ ring for the proposal. An engagement ring is a pretty big (important) thing to slip on a girl’s finger.
In my case, I proposed without a ring, but it was very spur of the moment. One of those things in your head you know you’re going to do, but weren’t completely prepared when the moment was there. My mom had wanted me to use an old family ring, but it was just that… not too pretty.
In the end, we bought a ring at an estate sale for the stone, and had a local jeweller make a unique ring in a style we had in mind but couldn’t find. It cost about the same as a store bought ring, but it’s much more a part of us than any other ring could be.
BUY ESTATE JEWELRY!
New jewelry is a ripoff. You can buy a much better quality gem for much less money than new, and it will be worth something approximating what you paid for it, unlike new jewelry.
Coming from a girl that’s been engaged twice, married once:
- Look at all her other jewelry and what she wears now. Sure, most people are into white gold/platinum these days, but there are a few of us who prefer yellow gold (especially double-check if she’s fair/blonde/blue). Also realize that white gold will need to be dipped as the rhodium wears off, so make sure you choose a jewelry store that does this for free. (if you’re near a Shane Co., they do this)
-Get an idea for what type of ring setting and size of stone she would like. My husband took me to a totally different store and had me point out what I liked. He was clear this trip was just to get ideas so there was no way I was actually picking out my own ring. I also had no idea when he was going to propose, but after being together for 4 yrs, it wasn’t a shocker that he wanted to look at rings. By doing this, he found out that I liked oval stones better than rounds – which wound up dropping the price a good bit (a “smaller” sized oval will appear to be just as big as a “larger” round).
-Consider what she’d want for the wedding band as well. Find out if she’d like a band that can be worn without the engagement ring or if she wants one to “fit” to it, or even a setting that intertwines them. If she wants a matched set, you are better off buying them together for obvious reasons. That matching band may not be there when you go back for it. Personally, I wanted a simple solitaire with a two-stone wrapper that fit underneath. Once we were married, I had them soldered together.
-About using other stones – find out if she’d even like that. My first fiancee wanted me to have a sapphire and I was ok with that. I actually got to pick out a nice setting (intertwining with the wedding “band” adding a few small diamonds) and he picked out the stone, a very pretty deep blue sapphire. Part of the problem with picking out my own ring was the dreadful waiting around for it. He waited 6 mos! Then we were only engaged for 3 mos before I found out he was cheating. Feel free to make your own wtf statements on that one!
I just got engaged like two weeks ago, so here’s my answers to your questions.
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
I had to show the Future Husband exactly what I wanted. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and I only wanted to wear one ring, so I picked out a 4mm tungsten carbide band. (Alas, it gives me a rash and so we have to go with aerospace titanium. But that’s my fault.)
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond)
I don’t have or want a diamond, but if I did, I would probably want to be consulted when it was picked out.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options)
Depends on what kind of jewelry your intended already wears. I look awful in regular gold, but your beloved might not. What kind of jewelry does she normally wear, and what color is it?
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.)
We went with online and I was very pleased. (Again, it’s not the vendor’s fault that I’m so violently allergic to nickel.) The new ring is on its way from Washington State and I honestly can’t wait until it gets here. (I want it SO BAD.)
The whole point, I guess, is to do something that is meaningful and important to you. If your beloved wants a diamond, then get her that.
And though Future Husband’s proposal wasn’t a huge, huge surprise, it was still surprising. And romantic.
Best of luck to you!
BF asked quite a while ago what kind of ring I would want. We were nowhere near getting engaged at that point, so there wasn’t any pressure– he just wanted to be prepared.
I’m looking forward to it!
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring?
I seem to be in the minority, but I wouldn’t want to be proposed to with a stand-in ring. I would want the real one right away! But, of course, you’ll want to try to ensure that it’s something she likes (and promise her you won’t be devastated if she wants to get it reset or exchanged). Look at the kinds of jewelry she wears now. As everyone else suggested, ask her best friend if you know she won’t go tell! (My best friend has my favorites on file.)
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond)
Again, what kind of jewelry does she wear? I would be overwhelmed by a 1-ct. diamond. I don’t like flashy jewelry, and I’m pretty active and use my hands a lot. I’m hoping for something in the 0.5-ct. range that’s set in a trellis or cathedral setting; it’s more practical for my lifestyle. But a lot of girls like the bling. It’s a personal preference.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options)
Platinum is nice if you can afford it.
My mom regrets not having yellow gold for her wedding set, though; all the rest of her jewelry is yellow gold.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.)
Blue Nile has a great reputation. If you buy from Amazon, make sure that you trust the actual seller– a lot of their jewelry actually comes from 3rd-party retailers. I ordered a birthstone ring from one of them and it was nowhere near the promised quality.
Hey Forest!
Congrats!
I think what you’re doing is awesome, it shows that you truly love your girl friend and wants to get her the best ring possible!
My future husband (getting married 12/27) bought me the most amazing ring W/ matching band! I’ve had it for a while now and i still cant stop staring at it!!
My point with that is, an engagement ring is something you’ll wear for a reallllly long time, you need to love it. It’s also a sentimental thing. I personally do no want an ‘upgrade’…i’d just rather have the ring i love from the very begining and never have to take it off.
Word of advice, whitehall is going out of business. Everything is 50-70% off. I got my fiance a gorgeous platinum wedding band for almost nothing.
Even if you dont see one you like, look at the diamond. With a tag thats 70% off you cant beat that! If you find a nice sized decent clarity diamond, you can always have the setting changed.
That’s what my fiance did. I found my dream ring…then we went to friedmans that was closing, bought a very nice solitare, and had the diamond switched out. I got the ring of my dreams at a quarter of the price.
Im sure your girl is crazy about you….what’s important is that get her something she actually loves. Sure you can have a super mega nice clarity diamond….but really and truly, once you leave that jewelry store, it doesnt matter if its ‘amazing’ or just ‘good’ as long as its a decent size.
Get her viewpoint…find out what she likes. Remember, its also good to think about how this decision will affect your lives together. Im sure she doesnt want a ring that you guys will spend 10 years paying it off, or one that she’ll have to wait 3 years to get proposed to because yuo’re still saving for it.
Go all out on the proposal though. Make it absolutely spectacular, adding personal touches that reflect her personality and your relationship together. Blow her out of the water…that’s something she’ll never forget.
Best wishes & lots of love!
I work for a brick and mortar jewelry store. Here are some replies based on experience with our customers.
1. Would you rather be surprised or have a hand in choosing your engagement ring? While the timing of the proposal is generally secret, the selection of the ring tends to have input from the lady who will be wearing the ring for a long time. This input varies from the couple shopping together, to the guy shopping alone after being shown photos of styles that appeal to his future fiancee. Even when shopping together, many times the guy will come in later to purchase a ring, without his girlfriend knowing.
2. Size vs. Quality? (in regards to the diamond)
While this is a personal preference, my advice is to place quality ahead of size. In the future, you have several options available, such as using the initial diamond as a side stone in a 3 stone ring. If you buy a lower quality stone now, this means you will have to buy more lower quality stones to match this stone in new mounting. My wife and I started with a quality 1/2 carat stone, and about 8 years later, we found a match to the 1/2 stone, and added a larger stone in the center, for a total 1.18 carat 3 stone ring. She was thrilled, and we were able to keep her original stone in the new ring, which was important to her.
3. Gold vs. White Gold vs. Platinum vs. Palladium (Lots of metal options) Another personal preference. Palladium is new and rather inexpensive, and gold and platinum are the traditional metals of choice. While platinum is currently trading at less than half it price from the 1st of the year, you may be looking at a mounting in a store/online that was purchased when platinum was higher; thus the suggestion that buying platinum because it is cheaper will only hold true for recently manufactured platinum rings.
4. Traditional Retailer vs. Online (I see even Amazon sells E-rings now, but I’ve also been browsing Blue Nile.) You can go either way, but you’ll need to be armed with accurate knowledge of important aspects of what makes diamonds more/less valuable. It is a common myth that pure-play online diamond retailers have better deals because of lower overhead, etc. – I have seen instances in our own store where online sites have not been competitive with a traditional retailer – and this is with pre-determined, non-negotiated prices. You must be able to compare ‘apples to apples’. Also, the belief that ‘mom-and-pop’ retailers can’t compete with the ‘big guys’ isn’t entirely true; while many traditional small jewelers try to cling to old pricing methods, there are many savvy jewelers who realize their prices must be competitive with the likes of Blue Nile, Amazon, etc. There really is no right or wrong here – you’re just as likely to overpay online as you are offline.
Okay, I can’t really think of anymore questions at this point.
No one seems to have mentioned diamond shape. It’s not clear if that’s already decided, or if it’s something yet to be considered. Some prefer traditional round or princess cut diamonds, but you may want to consider other cuts as well. Some beautiful cuts that don’t sell as often are emerald, radiant, cushion, pear, marquise and asscher (square emerald). Because rounds and princess cuts are so popular, they sell at a premium to comparably graded stones in other shapes – so buying a non-mainstream cut might be a way to save a few dollars.
Hope this helps…and congratulations on the upcoming engagement!
Anthony
I’m not interested in rings or jewelery in general but all I can say is please please thoroughly research whoever you decide to buy from to ensure they are legit and match your value set.
There’s the issue of conflict diamonds on the one hand and then there’s the issue of companies claiming to be conflict-free. I don’t trust anyone at this point.
Here’s an example of a recent attempt I made in determining if one company was legit:
http://savvyextremeidealist.blogspot.com/2008/12/weekly-savvy-test_08.html
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